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01/19/2026

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Welcome to M2M!

Whenever the tuna is in the subjunctive mood conjunct Herpes in the House of Schulz, I transform into an insurance salesman and strike entire neighbourhoods with fear and terror.

You may call me “you” if we have already fallen down a cellar staircase together while drunk, or if we have had something on a table together. If you don't want to address me formally, you may also call me “Your Greatness” and/or “Oh, Incredible One.”

I couldn't give a flying fuck whether you're straight, gay, lesbian, in a romantic relationship with your vegetables, or whatever the hell else you happen to stick yourself into. I'm a fairly simple-minded sort of chap. If you have one Y chromosome and an X chromosome, you're a man. If you have only X chromosomes, you're a woman. If you have no X chromosomes, you don't get born. End of story.

Other than that, I'm a boring old sod and consider it a successful morning if I manage to get out of bed and make it through the door without walking into the frame.